


killing me softly (and I'm still falling)

by luceminate



Series: Staubrey Week 2019 [7]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Kind of a character study, Some Fluff, understated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 10:57:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18051212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luceminate/pseuds/luceminate
Summary: Staubrey Week 2019Day 7: Free Space - Established RelationshipBefore Stacie met Aubrey, she’d always thought intimacy was nothing more than just kissing and sex.Nothing more, nothing less.Except, a few months into their relationship, Stacie soon realises that intimacy is so, so, much more than just kissing and sex.





	killing me softly (and I'm still falling)

Before Stacie met Aubrey, she’d always thought intimacy was nothing more than just kissing and sex.

 

Nothing more, nothing less.

 

Except, a few months into their relationship, Stacie soon realises that intimacy is so,  _ so _ , much more than  _ just _ kissing and sex.

 

It’s the moments in between everything that strike her as the most intimate. Like when she will unthinkingly reach her arms around Aubrey’s waist as the blonde prepares breakfast for them at the weekends, when they have the whole morning to relax, no responsibility to the outside world. It’s the feeling of love and warmth that fills her chest when Aubrey leans back into her embrace, a content sigh leaving her lips. The quiver that runs down her spine when Aubrey turns her head, whispers  _ ‘good morning’, _ and softly presses her lips to the base of her neck.

 

It’s holding hands when they’re wandering around a store or when they’re out for a walk together, their fingers interlocked, the action so instinctive that Stacie doesn’t even realise they’re doing it until Aubrey will inevitably be drawn to something, pulling Stacie along with her. And Stacie will let her, would let Aubrey lead her anywhere so long as they were together. 

 

It’s when Stacie will complain of having a headache and Aubrey will usher her to bed to take a nap, placing some painkillers and a bottle of water on the bedside table, leaving Stacie with a  _ ‘feel better’  _ and a kiss on the forehead. It’s when Stacie wakes from the nap to Aubrey rubbing her back, asking if she’s feeling any better, and finding her laundry folded neatly and put away and dinner waiting for in the kitchen, that she realises there’s more to intimacy than just the affectionate side of things.

 

It’s listening to Aubrey rant about her father; how sometimes she resents him and the amount of pressure he put on her in her formative years through to young adulthood, how she hates herself for even thinking that and for feeling glad that they’re now estranged from each other. It’s letting Aubrey cry over never having known her mother, over wondering what her childhood would have been like had she been around, what her father would have been like; if he’d have been different; better. It’s listening to Aubrey and showing her she’s there for her, that she cares, that she’ll be there for her for as long as she’s welcome, and holding her when she’s emotionally spent.

 

It’s spending every Saturday afternoon in their pyjamas, lounging and cuddling on the couch with an array of snacks in front of them, watching whatever they can find on the TV that takes their fancy. It’s indulging Aubrey in watching a sappy romance film, even though Stacie doesn’t really like them all that much. It’s Aubrey sitting through four straight hours of documentaries on space because Stacie loves it, engaging her with questions that Stacie will give long and thought out answers to, and Aubrey will listen.

 

It’s realising that Aubrey has never been a very affectionate person, while affection has always come easy to Stacie, the difference being that Aubrey hadn’t been shown much of it growing up; not until she’d gotten to college and been roomed with Chloe Beale. It’s registering that, regardless of her upbringing, Aubrey always made the effort to accept the affection Stacie gave her, reciprocating to the best of her ability until, eventually, it became instinctual for her to reach out for Stacie’s hand when they were walking, to put an arm around her waist, to lay her head on her shoulder when they were relaxing on the couch, to holding her in her sleep.

 

It’s finding the time to sprinkle in the odd cheesy pick up line even though they’ve been together for months. The most recent instance being when she’d held Aubrey’s face in her hands, much to the blonde’s confusion, exclaiming _ ‘hold on, there’s something on your face,’  _ watching as a frown overtakes the blonde’s face and waiting approximately two seconds before she responds by kissing the frown away and saying  _ ‘it was me,’  _ grinning at the flush that rises to Aubrey’s cheeks and the fact that she can still fluster her after all this time.

 

It’s Aubrey waiting up on the couch for Stacie to get back from the lab after a long day with a hug and a kiss before she leads her into the kitchen, dinner waiting for her in the oven, sitting her down and making sure she eats before she passes out in bed from exhaustion. It’s Stacie trying to return the favour when Aubrey gets caught up at the office, only to fall asleep on the couch and be woken up by the blonde pressing kisses all over her face, leading her to bed and snuggling up to her.

 

It’s being able to dance around their apartment to cheesy 90’s music in nothing but their underwear and feel completely comfortable around each other to act so silly in such a vulnerable state. The freedom of just being able to be themselves and act like fools in love without the fear of being judged. The utter joy and happiness that makes itself known in their laughter, laughter they can’t hold back, not that they’d want to.

 

It’s the moments they spend together naked, exploring each other’s bodies in a nonsexual way, trying to discover everything about each other’s body; finding the birthmark on the lower right side of Stacie’s back, the thin white scars on Aubrey’s upper thighs from nights in her teen years spent worrying and agonising over being perfect and being overwhelmed by the pressure put on her by her father and herself, the small scar under Stacie’s chin from when she’d fallen off her bike as a child. 

 

It’s cuddling and being able to share kisses without feeling the need to go any further.

 

It’s being able to laugh at that one time Stacie came home to find Aubrey sat on the floor with her hands zip-tied together because she’d been trying to put into practice a method of escape she’d seen in a video because  _ ‘you can never be too safe’  _ and Stacie had laughed the whole time, tackling Aubrey to the ground once she’d been freed and kissing her all over because it was in that moment she realised she could spend the rest of her life with this woman, quirks and all.

 

It’s being able to stop what they’re doing at the drop of a hat for the other, but also understanding that that’s not always possible. Unflinchingly trusting in each other to make the time when they can, that they’re still each other’s top priorities, but sometimes the realities of life and work get in the way and keep them apart, and that’s okay; normal.

 

It’s Aubrey being the first person she thinks of when she sees something funny on the internet, when she gets good news; wanting to share her joy with her as soon as she can, and vice versa.

 

It’s finding out that when Aubrey is feeling overwhelmed about something, or is feeling particularly pressured, she’ll stress bake a whole batch of Stacie’s favourite cookies, or brownies; finding out that Aubrey isn’t really that fond of sweets, but she bakes them anyway because Stacie has a serious sweet tooth. That revelation closely followed by Aubrey’s confession that her therapist had suggested doing something tactile when she was experiencing a lot of anxiety to avoid her previous stress response of vomiting.

 

It’s knowing that after a particularly bad day, Aubrey has admitted that just being around Stacie makes her feel better. It’s knowing that Aubrey has the same effect on her. Stacie never knew just how intimate saying  _ ‘I love you’  _ and meaning it could be, and to have it reciprocated with no hesitation or reservation feel like liberation.

 

It’s standing by each other when tragedy strikes; Aubrey a solid presence at her side as she watches her older brother be lowered into the ground, her shoulder to cry on, her strength, her guiding light when things seemed like they would stay dark forever; Stacie holding Aubrey through the night and day when the fertility results come back negative, reassuring her that there are other options, that Stacie had always wanted to adopt one day. It’s knowing that whatever life and the fates throw at them, they can work through it.

 

It’s being able to have arguments, big screaming matches that sometimes end with one of them storming away, the sound of a door slamming following soon after, and knowing they’ll work it out, that reconciliation is inevitable once one or both of them calms down. It’s the openness that comes with forgiveness, of knowing they don’t have to hide things from each other; that nothing will make the other run away.

 

It’s being able to inhabit the same space without actually interacting, finding comfort in the silence as they work on opposite sides of the room, Aubrey reading on one end of the couch while Stacie watches TV as she occupies the other end, their interwoven legs the only point of contact, and knowing that that’s enough.

 

It’s lingerie shopping for each other  _ with  _ each other.

 

It’s not letting the physical side of their relationship be their only point of intimacy, but not letting it fizzle out in favour of everything else. It’s the moments during sex, when Aubrey will kiss a slow path down Stacie’s body, hitting all the right spots to make her shiver; when Stacie curls her fingers just  _ right _ ; when she hits a particularly ticklish spot on the blonde’s ribs that make her laugh and try to squirm away, joking that Stacie won’t appreciate the retaliation if she doesn’t stop the ticking and gasp, and they both burst into laughter because if you can’t laugh during sex then you’re having it with the wrong person; Stacie’s torture coming to an immediate halt with a gasp as Aubrey’s hand snakes between her thighs. 

 

It’s making the  _ effort. _

 

Stacie had never really thought too much about intimacy in her past relationships, had never really understood what  people meant when they spoke about it being the most important part of a relationship, had never actually felt or experienced what those people were talking about, had dismissed it as only something people experienced during sex. But, in her years of loving and being loved by Aubrey, she’d learned that intimacy is about truth and knowing that she can tell Aubrey anything, good or bad, can show herself on her best and worst days and Aubrey will accept and love her regardless; will make her feel  _ safe _ .

 

Years later, Stacie couldn’t imagine a relationship without it, and from where she’s stood, across the altar from  _ her person _ , she’ll never have to.

 

**Author's Note:**

> so... this marks the end of Staubrey week :( thank you to everyone who read, shared, left kudos, and commented on my utter shambles of fanfiction disasters! (also a thanks to the masterminds behind the creation of SW2019, they're the real MVP's)
> 
> as always, please let me know what you thought :D
> 
> if you've enjoyed my writing and want more I'm always open to prompts


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